You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
