and you said cock pushups were impossible
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
