I'm gonna have a badass scar
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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