So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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