Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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