kristin has been a bad kristin
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
