in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
