I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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