u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
time to smoke my breakfast
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
