i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
