honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
