Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's rum buckets o'clock
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
