i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
