I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
