God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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