I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize