Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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