you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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