Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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