the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
