I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
