Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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