my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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