ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
