Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
