whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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