Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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