Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I need moral support for this bender
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
