Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
