are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
