So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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