Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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