Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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