My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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