Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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