She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
