Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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