i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
