I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
