So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
