Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
