Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's always time for handjobs
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
