I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
