gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
