I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Come on in and take your pants off
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