My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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