I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
