I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
