so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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