she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
