I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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