I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
