They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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