My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
