So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The ass gains better be worth it
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