Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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