i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
