yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
