Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
