o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
