he told me I talked like a deaf person
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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