Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
