He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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