I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
