I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
