So drunk its hurt
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
