he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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