I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
