I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
