Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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