he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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