you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize