I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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